March 23, 2015
"We just got accepted to Knight's Cabin retreat!! How amazing is that?? I'm so excited!!"
"It's not going to be all 'Kumbaya' is it?"
I swear those were the first words out of Phil's mouth when I told him we got in...That may have tempered my excitement momentarily but I figured I had a few weeks to convince him otherwise. When something's important to me, I can be pretty persuasive...
Knight's Cabin is a not for profit organisation based out of Canmore who put on weekend retreats for anyone who's had canser. There is no cost to participants - but you have to apply. There are only about 10 spots currently at each retreat. And each survivor can bring a support person. It's for those with any kind of canser, any stage, any age, any gender. And open to anyone in Canada.
They take care of accommodation - in Canmore, which if you didn't know is in the Rocky Mountains!! - and 3 amazing, mouth watering meals a day. The retreat includes yoga, hikes, walks, mediation, group chats, lots of laughs and new friendships!
They had their inaugural retreat last April. Someone at Wellspring told me Phil and I should apply once I was done treatment.
I am so glad I heeded her advice!!
By the Friday of the retreat, Phil was on board, and even excited...Maybe it was the idea of a weekend away, in the mountains, sans kids, but whatever the reason, I was relieved. We drove out and the closer we got to Canmore, the more I could feel myself relax and the tension ease away....We were going to hang out with a bunch of people who knew exactly how we felt - the both of us - and what we'd been through the last year. People who could see the brokenness in our eyes and just get it. Because they've been there. Each person's hell is different but I don't think you go through canser treatment without going through your own personal hell (be it emotional, mental, physical or for us unlucky ones, all 3) and clawing your way out.
My last treatment loosened up my emotional armour - this weekend it could come off. I was going to a safe place where I could just be. Even if I felt broken.
No surprise but we were the last to arrive.... canser changes alot of things, but it still didn't make me timely ha.
It was held at the Bear & Bison Inn which was perfect. The place only has 10 rooms so we were the only group in there and was like our own true private retreat. The rooms and views were amazing! When we went up to our room I couldn't stop smiling.
We got back downstairs and everyone introduced themselves. No one talked about their canser story - just our name and a couple things about us (mostly where we were from). People were all ages and some had spouses, others sibling and others close (best?) friends. We had to name an animal that had the first letter of our name so as one woman said she was a "cougar" it just got funnier from there. After the ice breaker and welcome presentation from Lisa, the founder of Knight's Cabin, Heather, a dietitian spoke to us. What I liked about her is she took more of a holistic approach. To be honest many of the dietitians I've met in the canser world do not take this approach. They just push the Canada Food Guide -which I now personally believe is outdated and although a start to nutrition, is not the best information nor the most beneficial. She brought along with her some delicious samples of healthy food. Things like a bean dip, soup, this nut brittle (which I normally don't like but it was amazing!) and it was all delicious and all home made!
She answered all kinds of questions and was really great and educational. She promised to share the recipes and some others with us! Then we had a quick 15 minute break before dinner.
Going up to change in our room, Phil looked at me and said "I'm really glad we came. It's been great so far!".
So congrats Lisa - you managed to go from "Kumbaya" to "great" in 1 session!!
Dinner was absolutely delicious. We had soup, salad and chicken skewers on veggie plates that was mouth watering...Like seriously there was over 10 different veggies in this dish! The chef Lonny (who owns and runs Bear & Bison) really got the point across that healthy doesn't mean yucky (Kimmy you would approve!)
Adam, who is the Knight's Cabin marketing "guru" as well as on the Board joined us for dinner and the retreat. It was his first. I loved that Lisa, Lou (her fiance who helped with everything all weekend - including leading and scoping out the hike) and Lauren (photographer and fellow survivor) joined us. They all have awesome senses of humour and the table was yacking all meal long. The ice was most definitely broken!
The rest of the night was spent playing games (which included coming up with a list of advice for anyone just diagnosed) and laughing and getting to know each other better. Ever play Heads up? If not, get the app and at next party use it. Guaranteed laughs and great ice breaker...
As it wound down, people scattered. There had been talk of maybe some wine (everyone remembered to bring that lol) but we thought maybe everyone was bagged from the first day. So we relaxed for a bit in our room, had a bath (huge jetted tub in our room with views of MOUNTAINS!) and then heard a bunch of talking and laughing from downstairs. I got Phil to go check it out and sure enough all cozy downstairs were 3 couples who told us to come join them for 'tea'. It was red coloured tea...but I didn't ask questions, just opened our red 'tea' and poured it into coffee cups too...and joined them...in my pj's! We didn't really know everyone super well so I debated wearing PJ's for a minute then said F*#k it and wore them down. I did not have on my prosthetics and I didn't wear a scarf. That is not my usual self with a bunch of people we hardly know...but this wasn't really a "usual" place either. Carpe Diem?
And it was fine! We stayed up until 11:30pm talking and laughing. All we were missing was a fire ha. Honestly it was nice. We got to know everyone there a little better.
When we hit the sack, I was asleep within minutes. We woke up early and to a mountain view. Is there anything better really? Nature and mountains have been my grounding force throughout the last year. They sooth my worries, clear my mind and refresh me in a way that often surprises me. After showering and getting dressed (my hair only takes slightly longer to "do" than no hair since it does it's own thing...) we still had a bit of time before breakfast. Would it surprise anyone that we went on a hunt for a mocha? Lisa told us about a great little coffee house a few minutes from where we were. We found it...after going the wrong way ha - and they even serve organic coffee! I got my mocha and Phil suggested we walk down the next morning cause they open at 6. Sold! You want to motivate me to walk, whisper "mocha" into my ear and you'll have a willing walker anywhere!
Anyways, Saturday was awesome. After another yummy meal we headed out on a morning hike! It was complete with hiking poles and 4 legged furry companions who joined us! As soon as we walked into the forest, amongst the tall pine trees and dirt trail, I took a deep breath and felt my worries melt away. Aside from freshly cut grass and the after rain smell, aren't woods - esp pine woods - the best smell? All your senses wake up. So much to smell, see, hear and feel (as you pick your way up the path) Everyone helped each other as we went up then back down. We had all ages and stages and everyone was able to do the hike so if you think you can't - you can. It wasn't too bad at all - a couple of more challenging parts but nothing overly difficult.
We got some amazing views. I stood back at one point and just watched the group talking. Laughing. Smiling. It felt good. Really good. I was so grateful to be there.
Lunch was amazing as usual and then it was time for yoga! We went to The Yoga Lounge in downtown Canmore and had a great session! Yoga is quickly becoming sacred to me. It's its own post, but I was glad this opportunity offered Phil the chance to try yoga. He really enjoyed it. It was mostly restorative yoga so honestly anyone can do it. And yoga is all about your body so you just do what feels good for you. There are so many modifications you can do.
And you come out relaxed - mentally and physically. It was great. Maybe doctor's should start prescribing "hikes, yoga & mountain getaways". Would probably help some more than pills....
Anyways after the salmon supper (I think he outdid himself with each meal!!) it was time for meditation. I've done some visualization and relaxation at Wellspring. It's actually what got me through the post surgery anxiety when my heart rate was all over the place. And what I still use in anxious situations. I was excited for this part. And for Phil to try it.
He liked it. He must've because he fell asleep lol. I did that too my first few times - I think it's a good sign. You obviously got so relaxed you drifted off. A few others may have too....Once it was done we were all feeling a bit sleepy. Then it was hot chocolate time. Kinda perfect because it was warm and delicious and so soothing, but gave you a bit of caffeine and sugar boost to shake off the sleepiness. It was possibly the best hot chocolate I ever had! There was even whipped cream...I was in heaven....
We had a group chat at this point where Lisa picked our brains on some ideas they have for future retreats. Their goal is to make them the best they can be.
Somehow we kinda got off topic and onto discussing fears and bucket lists. All was good then someone shared a story and fears I also was harbouring and when I started talking about losing my Dad and being scared my kids would share the same fate and hitting my 36th birthday (and how that was a changing point for me) I burst into tears.
It was kinda awful. I mean none of the weekend was "downer" talk and here I was blubbering like a baby...Ug. I hate, hate, hate how I can be caught off guard by emotion when I least expect it. It honestly really sucks and it's embarrassing because I never know when it's going to hit.
Thankfully the group moved onto a fabulous Oprah story that had me in tears of laughter so all was not lost..But everyone just got it though, so at the very least there was empathy and not pity at my emotional moment. Thankfully that was my only one...
That night almost everyone stayed up - mostly jammy clad - for "tea"!!! Including Lisa and the Knight's Cabin gang! We laughed ALOT and got to hear more of the canser stories - but not in a Kumbaya way - more in the way of swapping war stories. Everyone had a funny way to talk about even the worst parts of their canser story. The support people also got to chat and bond so it was definitely beneficial to them as well. The retreat was amazing but I think the 'tea times' were one of my favourites...and the hike if I had to choose ha.
We were with a pretty phenomenal group. There was 1 young woman who's story was eerily similar to mine and it was so nice to meet someone with the same canser (triple negative BC) She was also node positive and a young mom...Her treatment was very similar too so although other breast canser peeps get it, we have practically walked in each other's shoes. Kinda (sadly??) like a canser twin...as bizarre as that sounds...
The next day (after Phil and I did get up and walked down to get my mocha fix...) was a nice walk. We stopped for some play at a playground ha. I'm sure anyone passing by did a double take...Then Lisa presented on exercise. She wrote her dissertation on exercise and canser. It was great. Exercise is another underprescribed drug. But it's very slowly changing. Thanks to folks like Lisa!
Some of the "support people" went on another hike (that Phil said was great) while we listened to the presentation, .
As we sat around after lunch I could feel the sadness start to creep in. We were just all bonded, and now it was coming to a close.
And I don't mean in a phony "we're all best best friends!" way. But in the way you bond with people through a shared experience. It's a different kind of bond. We hugged goodbye and all headed our separate ways. It was a pretty quiet ride home.
That weekend didn't fix me. It didn't make all the bad stuff go away. But I left a little more healed than when I got there. I met some pretty cool people I hope will be in my life a long time - even if we don't talk or write all the time. I hope I helped some of them the way they helped me. And I will cherish the memories we made in the midst of all the emotional turmoil I am in.
It was a weekend of peace and healing.
And for that we are both so very grateful.
"We just got accepted to Knight's Cabin retreat!! How amazing is that?? I'm so excited!!"
"It's not going to be all 'Kumbaya' is it?"
I swear those were the first words out of Phil's mouth when I told him we got in...That may have tempered my excitement momentarily but I figured I had a few weeks to convince him otherwise. When something's important to me, I can be pretty persuasive...
Knight's Cabin is a not for profit organisation based out of Canmore who put on weekend retreats for anyone who's had canser. There is no cost to participants - but you have to apply. There are only about 10 spots currently at each retreat. And each survivor can bring a support person. It's for those with any kind of canser, any stage, any age, any gender. And open to anyone in Canada.
They take care of accommodation - in Canmore, which if you didn't know is in the Rocky Mountains!! - and 3 amazing, mouth watering meals a day. The retreat includes yoga, hikes, walks, mediation, group chats, lots of laughs and new friendships!
They had their inaugural retreat last April. Someone at Wellspring told me Phil and I should apply once I was done treatment.
I am so glad I heeded her advice!!
By the Friday of the retreat, Phil was on board, and even excited...Maybe it was the idea of a weekend away, in the mountains, sans kids, but whatever the reason, I was relieved. We drove out and the closer we got to Canmore, the more I could feel myself relax and the tension ease away....We were going to hang out with a bunch of people who knew exactly how we felt - the both of us - and what we'd been through the last year. People who could see the brokenness in our eyes and just get it. Because they've been there. Each person's hell is different but I don't think you go through canser treatment without going through your own personal hell (be it emotional, mental, physical or for us unlucky ones, all 3) and clawing your way out.
My last treatment loosened up my emotional armour - this weekend it could come off. I was going to a safe place where I could just be. Even if I felt broken.
No surprise but we were the last to arrive.... canser changes alot of things, but it still didn't make me timely ha.
It was held at the Bear & Bison Inn which was perfect. The place only has 10 rooms so we were the only group in there and was like our own true private retreat. The rooms and views were amazing! When we went up to our room I couldn't stop smiling.
We got back downstairs and everyone introduced themselves. No one talked about their canser story - just our name and a couple things about us (mostly where we were from). People were all ages and some had spouses, others sibling and others close (best?) friends. We had to name an animal that had the first letter of our name so as one woman said she was a "cougar" it just got funnier from there. After the ice breaker and welcome presentation from Lisa, the founder of Knight's Cabin, Heather, a dietitian spoke to us. What I liked about her is she took more of a holistic approach. To be honest many of the dietitians I've met in the canser world do not take this approach. They just push the Canada Food Guide -which I now personally believe is outdated and although a start to nutrition, is not the best information nor the most beneficial. She brought along with her some delicious samples of healthy food. Things like a bean dip, soup, this nut brittle (which I normally don't like but it was amazing!) and it was all delicious and all home made!
She answered all kinds of questions and was really great and educational. She promised to share the recipes and some others with us! Then we had a quick 15 minute break before dinner.
Going up to change in our room, Phil looked at me and said "I'm really glad we came. It's been great so far!".
So congrats Lisa - you managed to go from "Kumbaya" to "great" in 1 session!!
Dinner was absolutely delicious. We had soup, salad and chicken skewers on veggie plates that was mouth watering...Like seriously there was over 10 different veggies in this dish! The chef Lonny (who owns and runs Bear & Bison) really got the point across that healthy doesn't mean yucky (Kimmy you would approve!)
Adam, who is the Knight's Cabin marketing "guru" as well as on the Board joined us for dinner and the retreat. It was his first. I loved that Lisa, Lou (her fiance who helped with everything all weekend - including leading and scoping out the hike) and Lauren (photographer and fellow survivor) joined us. They all have awesome senses of humour and the table was yacking all meal long. The ice was most definitely broken!
The rest of the night was spent playing games (which included coming up with a list of advice for anyone just diagnosed) and laughing and getting to know each other better. Ever play Heads up? If not, get the app and at next party use it. Guaranteed laughs and great ice breaker...
As it wound down, people scattered. There had been talk of maybe some wine (everyone remembered to bring that lol) but we thought maybe everyone was bagged from the first day. So we relaxed for a bit in our room, had a bath (huge jetted tub in our room with views of MOUNTAINS!) and then heard a bunch of talking and laughing from downstairs. I got Phil to go check it out and sure enough all cozy downstairs were 3 couples who told us to come join them for 'tea'. It was red coloured tea...but I didn't ask questions, just opened our red 'tea' and poured it into coffee cups too...and joined them...in my pj's! We didn't really know everyone super well so I debated wearing PJ's for a minute then said F*#k it and wore them down. I did not have on my prosthetics and I didn't wear a scarf. That is not my usual self with a bunch of people we hardly know...but this wasn't really a "usual" place either. Carpe Diem?
And it was fine! We stayed up until 11:30pm talking and laughing. All we were missing was a fire ha. Honestly it was nice. We got to know everyone there a little better.
When we hit the sack, I was asleep within minutes. We woke up early and to a mountain view. Is there anything better really? Nature and mountains have been my grounding force throughout the last year. They sooth my worries, clear my mind and refresh me in a way that often surprises me. After showering and getting dressed (my hair only takes slightly longer to "do" than no hair since it does it's own thing...) we still had a bit of time before breakfast. Would it surprise anyone that we went on a hunt for a mocha? Lisa told us about a great little coffee house a few minutes from where we were. We found it...after going the wrong way ha - and they even serve organic coffee! I got my mocha and Phil suggested we walk down the next morning cause they open at 6. Sold! You want to motivate me to walk, whisper "mocha" into my ear and you'll have a willing walker anywhere!
Anyways, Saturday was awesome. After another yummy meal we headed out on a morning hike! It was complete with hiking poles and 4 legged furry companions who joined us! As soon as we walked into the forest, amongst the tall pine trees and dirt trail, I took a deep breath and felt my worries melt away. Aside from freshly cut grass and the after rain smell, aren't woods - esp pine woods - the best smell? All your senses wake up. So much to smell, see, hear and feel (as you pick your way up the path) Everyone helped each other as we went up then back down. We had all ages and stages and everyone was able to do the hike so if you think you can't - you can. It wasn't too bad at all - a couple of more challenging parts but nothing overly difficult.
We got some amazing views. I stood back at one point and just watched the group talking. Laughing. Smiling. It felt good. Really good. I was so grateful to be there.
Lunch was amazing as usual and then it was time for yoga! We went to The Yoga Lounge in downtown Canmore and had a great session! Yoga is quickly becoming sacred to me. It's its own post, but I was glad this opportunity offered Phil the chance to try yoga. He really enjoyed it. It was mostly restorative yoga so honestly anyone can do it. And yoga is all about your body so you just do what feels good for you. There are so many modifications you can do.
And you come out relaxed - mentally and physically. It was great. Maybe doctor's should start prescribing "hikes, yoga & mountain getaways". Would probably help some more than pills....
Anyways after the salmon supper (I think he outdid himself with each meal!!) it was time for meditation. I've done some visualization and relaxation at Wellspring. It's actually what got me through the post surgery anxiety when my heart rate was all over the place. And what I still use in anxious situations. I was excited for this part. And for Phil to try it.
He liked it. He must've because he fell asleep lol. I did that too my first few times - I think it's a good sign. You obviously got so relaxed you drifted off. A few others may have too....Once it was done we were all feeling a bit sleepy. Then it was hot chocolate time. Kinda perfect because it was warm and delicious and so soothing, but gave you a bit of caffeine and sugar boost to shake off the sleepiness. It was possibly the best hot chocolate I ever had! There was even whipped cream...I was in heaven....
We had a group chat at this point where Lisa picked our brains on some ideas they have for future retreats. Their goal is to make them the best they can be.
Somehow we kinda got off topic and onto discussing fears and bucket lists. All was good then someone shared a story and fears I also was harbouring and when I started talking about losing my Dad and being scared my kids would share the same fate and hitting my 36th birthday (and how that was a changing point for me) I burst into tears.
It was kinda awful. I mean none of the weekend was "downer" talk and here I was blubbering like a baby...Ug. I hate, hate, hate how I can be caught off guard by emotion when I least expect it. It honestly really sucks and it's embarrassing because I never know when it's going to hit.
Thankfully the group moved onto a fabulous Oprah story that had me in tears of laughter so all was not lost..But everyone just got it though, so at the very least there was empathy and not pity at my emotional moment. Thankfully that was my only one...
That night almost everyone stayed up - mostly jammy clad - for "tea"!!! Including Lisa and the Knight's Cabin gang! We laughed ALOT and got to hear more of the canser stories - but not in a Kumbaya way - more in the way of swapping war stories. Everyone had a funny way to talk about even the worst parts of their canser story. The support people also got to chat and bond so it was definitely beneficial to them as well. The retreat was amazing but I think the 'tea times' were one of my favourites...and the hike if I had to choose ha.
We were with a pretty phenomenal group. There was 1 young woman who's story was eerily similar to mine and it was so nice to meet someone with the same canser (triple negative BC) She was also node positive and a young mom...Her treatment was very similar too so although other breast canser peeps get it, we have practically walked in each other's shoes. Kinda (sadly??) like a canser twin...as bizarre as that sounds...
The next day (after Phil and I did get up and walked down to get my mocha fix...) was a nice walk. We stopped for some play at a playground ha. I'm sure anyone passing by did a double take...Then Lisa presented on exercise. She wrote her dissertation on exercise and canser. It was great. Exercise is another underprescribed drug. But it's very slowly changing. Thanks to folks like Lisa!
Some of the "support people" went on another hike (that Phil said was great) while we listened to the presentation, .
As we sat around after lunch I could feel the sadness start to creep in. We were just all bonded, and now it was coming to a close.
And I don't mean in a phony "we're all best best friends!" way. But in the way you bond with people through a shared experience. It's a different kind of bond. We hugged goodbye and all headed our separate ways. It was a pretty quiet ride home.
That weekend didn't fix me. It didn't make all the bad stuff go away. But I left a little more healed than when I got there. I met some pretty cool people I hope will be in my life a long time - even if we don't talk or write all the time. I hope I helped some of them the way they helped me. And I will cherish the memories we made in the midst of all the emotional turmoil I am in.
It was a weekend of peace and healing.
And for that we are both so very grateful.
(Hopefully the slideshow above works on mobile too...)
.jpg)