July 28, 2014
Well today didn't go as I had expected...
I ended up making an unplanned visit to the Tom Baker. Hospital visits in general are not fun. Hospital visits when you're going through chemo are less fun. And scary.
It all started when I called the infamous "chemo line". I was calling cause although my headache was less severe, it was still there almost a week after chemo. I may also have felt some pressure. In my chest. For the last week... Ya, I know, why the hell did I wait so long to call about it?
To be honest, I was scared.
Scared my 1st dose of docetaxel had done damage to my heart. Scared they would find a blood clot and have to do surgery while I have no immune system. Scared they would tell me I couldn't continue with this new drug cause it was too hard on my body. Scared that would delay treatment...
So I put off calling. And now was kicking myself.
The nurse called me back asking all kinds of questions. Told me she needed to talk to my oncologist (he was at the Tom Baker). I've called the chemo line twice before - they have never had to talk to my oncologist. So my heart rate went up at this news.
It kinda felt like when I had to get the biopsy - I was wondering if this would turn out to be something serious. It was not a good feeling. She called me back (again) and said my oncologist wanted me to come to Tom Baker. If I could make it there by noon. It was 11:20 and I'm at the opposite side of the city. I said "on my way".
It's funny how my Inner Ninja shows up when I need her and keeps me calm. Cause what I wanted to do was hyperventilate and cry, but instead I made 2 phone calls. One to Phil (who was at work) and the other to my Mom. When I couldn't get hold of my Mom I tried my Dad. I didn't want to go up alone, but didn't want Phil to have to leave work incase it was nothing. The nurse had mentioned blood work and a chest x-ray - time kinda slowed down as I tried not to think too much about that and what it might mean.
My mom finally called me back just as I was on my way. She works near the hospital (well way closer than I was) so she said she'd meet me there. After talking to her and feeling so relieved she was coming with me I called Andrea. Almost as soon as I heard her voice my own cracked. I had a good cry to release the tension and then felt better.
On the (long) drive up I kept saying to myself "It's OK to be scared. You're going to the canser hospital and your oncologist is there. Best place to be regardless of what's going on"
Got there in record time and went right up to Dr Stewart's office. It was 12:15. But he waited for me. I could've kissed him. I was terrified by this point and my very busy doctor waited for me. My trust in him grew exponentially. He was taking this seriously and doing due diligence. The female doc who works with him (I can never remember her name!!) came in and asked all kinds of questions. Where the pain was, when did it come, other symptoms etc. It was almost 20 min or more of questions. She even checked my legs for blood clots. This was a big dose of reality and the seriousness of chemo for my mom I think. She was a bit shaken. I had heard about clots and heart issues from Matt, Stephane and many of the women at Wellspring. So although it wasn't pleasant for me either, I was prepared a bit more I think.
Once she was done, she left and then came back a short while later.
Doc: "So it's probably heartburn (collective sigh from me and my mom) here's some pills to take once a day. You should know fairly quickly if its that. If it gets worse, come back. If it stays the same we will likely just monitor you till next treatment".
I could have kissed her too! I smiled through my teary eyes.
Heartburn. It never sounded so sweet. Just heartburn.
I felt like I was walking on air when we left.
I don't know if either of my oncologists know what it meant to me that they waited for me today. I will be sure to fill them in when next we meet. Cause it meant the world to a terrified, bald mama who was facing a potential bad situation.
And it made all the difference.
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