Nov 30, 2014
So I haven't been on that shopping spree yet. I was waiting for my parents to get back from their cruise. It's not that I don't have anyone to go shopping with - I have lots of girlfriends who would love to help me do damage to my Visa. But this shopping trip will not be like any other.
I basically have a new body. That is a very strange thing to get overnight at my age (probably any age). Mentally I'm starting to be very OK with my new look. But going out shopping, though an exciting idea, is intimidating too. I need to go with someone who will be totally honest so I don't buy a bunch of stuff that does nothing for me, but also someone who will be as determined as me to find at least a few things. Who better but my mom??
Cause boy am I ever sick of button up shirts! Most of my clothes don't fit this new body right. Because I was short with big boobs and a small(ish) frame, it was all about v-necks for me.Well, now most of the v-necks are too low cut! If I wear them you can see my scars. NOT an option...
Because I was so busty, most of my t-shirts were also fitted. Was better to have them fitted then having fabric hang down from my boobs making me look bigger than I was with no shape. Well, some of those shirts - like my chive ones - I still love, and they fit ok but without boobs it looks....strange. I look boxy and it just looks so odd to have no depth where my boobs once were. Or maybe I'm just not used to seeing nothing there...
Anyways, infinity scarves have become my new best friend while I await my mom's return. I have a blue one she bought me back in like Oct that actually works pretty good with t-shirts. It adds that "depth" that i was missing and kinda acts like my security blanket to an extent. I don't think I've left the house without it. (Although at home I don't wear scarves much, and even sometimes don't wear a shirt lol...ya, I'm getting pretty comfortable in my new skin.)
We also took most of my lingerie and all my bras and just put them aside for now. I need to go through them all at some point (well, not the bras lol) to see what still works. I put some of the bras in the hope chest Phil made when he was doing his journeyman ticket for Cabinet Making. Ha, gives whole new meaning to 'hope' 'chest' ha ha ha....I wanted them out of sight anyways. It was actually Phil's suggestion (I think cause he could see me look at them wistfully sometimes) Until I know what my reconstructed breasts will be like, I"m not getting rid of anything. I still have to go through my shirts and sweaters too but haven't had the chance...or the heart. It's a bit draining going through my clothes so I need time and the right mind frame to attempt it. And maybe wine....
Aside from having little to wear, I'm adjusting (well) to the new look. But it would still be nice to have the option of going out with boobs. So I made an appointment at Compassionate Beauty to get fitted for prosthetic boobs...Ya, I'm not too sure what it's all about either but I'll keep you posted! All I know is there are different kinds and it's not cheap. But for me it's like my wig - it's peace of mind that they are there if I need them. Cause the no boob novelty may wear off so I want to have a plan 'B' (ha or 'C').
Emily has been struggling with my lack of breasts. She doesn't like my scars but still asks to see them. This is the kind of thing I want to talk to the child psychologist about. She's asking some pretty detailed questions like "what tools did they use to chop your boobies off" (I still cringe when she says it that way). How can I answer her when I don't even know?? Why is my 5 1/2 year old asking me this kind of stuff?
I'm a little worried about her to be honest...This week I found a library stamp in her bag. The kind they use to stamp due dates in books. She took it and brought it home from school. We had a chat about stealing and taking (and touching) things that don't belong to us. I told her she had to give it back otherwise we'd have to tell her teacher she took it. Kinda like a "get out of jail free card". She's never done anything like this before. So she brought it back. Case closed...
Then on the weekend, we found some of her stuff marked up with black marker. Like her Frozen backpack. Her winter boots...So we decided to take her Frozen backpack away from her and give her just a plain one we had. We talked about taking care of our things and how if we destroy our things then maybe we are not old enough to have them. We told her it would be gone till after Christmas and maybe then she could get it back if she could show us she can take good care of her stuff (there were only a couple weeks left of school).
Then we found some toys marked up (next day). And a stuffie. My concern grew. We asked her to find the marker and give it to us (it was hidden in her room). The one she gave us is not from here. She took it from school. So we took her dollhouse out of her room as punishment and told her she'd have to earn it back with good behaviour. We also had her write an apology note to her teacher for taking the marker without asking. We asked her repeatedly what was wrong or why she did it. But no answer. Just "I don't know". We want to nip this in the butt before more stuff comes home. I don't want the teachers to think she's a bad kid either, this is not like her. But it's not acceptable behaviour, and she does know better.
At the same time there are seeds of doubt creeping in. Are we handling this right? What's going on in her lil head? This is the hard part. My heart wasn't in punishing her but she marked up alot of stuff - like 6 or 7 different things/spots. And it was after the whole talk about the boots and backpack. Ug. All the books and anyone you talk to says you need to keep boundaries and stay consistent - that canser does not mean there are no rules. But it's hard.
It happened to be Phil's birthday weekend as well. Thankfully we didn't find all the marked stuff till Saturday cause Friday we went to our favourite local pub - Kildare's - to meet up with Dave and friends. We had a really great time. Maybe not so much when Dave got Phil a shooter lol. But it felt like a normal, happy celebration. I like those moments of normalcy. We were just a bunch of friends enjoying some pints to celebrate. It was really nice. After all Phil's done I was happy he had a night to just relax and have a good time. I had arranged the sitter (Dave's daughter) and made the plan weeks prior. Although I honoured his request to not invite the whole world lol...If it had been up to me it would have been an Event. And half of Kildare's woulda been reserved lol.
Anyways, aside from the marker issue, the weekend was a good one. We went to a neighbours bday party. Rilay turned 4 and Emily and Ethan adore him. So they were very excited to go and celebrate. And eat cake lol. That night Phil and I went for wine tasting next door at Joe and Trista's. They won the bid at my fundraiser and it was donated by my friend Keri. She did a great job! Lots of laughs and Phil actually found a red wine he liked! Great night.
We are lucky to have such awesome neighbours. We must be lucky - our neighbours from our last house are the ones who came to BVJ with us this summer and are good friends of ours. (ie you're stuck with us Joe and Trista ;)
Today was Phil's birthday. We didn't do too much. Supper at Jack Astor's with the whole family. Bit chaotic as usual with the kids lol. But nice. I know the blog is now outta whack cause I posted his tribute on his bday and this will be posted once I'm all caught up...but such is life ha.
Tomorrow is my radiation prep. I honestly haven't had much time to think (or over think) it. I'm happy my "don't fret about it till its happening" attitude I've developed on this road is holding true. My main 'concern' if you can even call it that is if the tattoos will hurt!! I should clarify by 'tatoos' that I mean 3 or 4 dot sized permanent tattoos that help them line up the radiation machines. They will be across my torso. I'll be like Phoebe from Friends when she gets the dot sized "Earth...it's just really really small earth". Ha
I've thought a few times in my life about getting a tattoo. Like when I was in Ireland and me, Jodi and Carolyn (who were living there) thought we should get 3 matching tattoos that would mean something and remind us of our time there...but I didn't cause I was too chicken of the pain lol. I'm not a big fan of pain...which probably sounds funny after going through 8 rounds of (intense) chemo and surgery....but, there it is. I'm just a wimp. Always have been, always will be I guess!
Kelly said it didn't hurt and the whole prep was quick. She's my 'go to girl' and hasn't been wrong yet, so maybe that's why I'm not too worried about it.
Tomorrow is also the radiation class at Tom Baker, which will explain what to expect etc. And then my Compassionate Beauty appointment. By the end of the day I'll have 3-4 new tattoos and fake boobs...and it's not even a mid life crisis! Should be an interesting day lol.
Oh and we bought a Vitamix with some of the money raised at my Fundraiser...it's AMAZING!!
So I haven't been on that shopping spree yet. I was waiting for my parents to get back from their cruise. It's not that I don't have anyone to go shopping with - I have lots of girlfriends who would love to help me do damage to my Visa. But this shopping trip will not be like any other.
Cause boy am I ever sick of button up shirts! Most of my clothes don't fit this new body right. Because I was short with big boobs and a small(ish) frame, it was all about v-necks for me.Well, now most of the v-necks are too low cut! If I wear them you can see my scars. NOT an option...
Anyways, infinity scarves have become my new best friend while I await my mom's return. I have a blue one she bought me back in like Oct that actually works pretty good with t-shirts. It adds that "depth" that i was missing and kinda acts like my security blanket to an extent. I don't think I've left the house without it. (Although at home I don't wear scarves much, and even sometimes don't wear a shirt lol...ya, I'm getting pretty comfortable in my new skin.)
Aside from having little to wear, I'm adjusting (well) to the new look. But it would still be nice to have the option of going out with boobs. So I made an appointment at Compassionate Beauty to get fitted for prosthetic boobs...Ya, I'm not too sure what it's all about either but I'll keep you posted! All I know is there are different kinds and it's not cheap. But for me it's like my wig - it's peace of mind that they are there if I need them. Cause the no boob novelty may wear off so I want to have a plan 'B' (ha or 'C').
Emily has been struggling with my lack of breasts. She doesn't like my scars but still asks to see them. This is the kind of thing I want to talk to the child psychologist about. She's asking some pretty detailed questions like "what tools did they use to chop your boobies off" (I still cringe when she says it that way). How can I answer her when I don't even know?? Why is my 5 1/2 year old asking me this kind of stuff?
Then on the weekend, we found some of her stuff marked up with black marker. Like her Frozen backpack. Her winter boots...So we decided to take her Frozen backpack away from her and give her just a plain one we had. We talked about taking care of our things and how if we destroy our things then maybe we are not old enough to have them. We told her it would be gone till after Christmas and maybe then she could get it back if she could show us she can take good care of her stuff (there were only a couple weeks left of school).
At the same time there are seeds of doubt creeping in. Are we handling this right? What's going on in her lil head? This is the hard part. My heart wasn't in punishing her but she marked up alot of stuff - like 6 or 7 different things/spots. And it was after the whole talk about the boots and backpack. Ug. All the books and anyone you talk to says you need to keep boundaries and stay consistent - that canser does not mean there are no rules. But it's hard.
It happened to be Phil's birthday weekend as well. Thankfully we didn't find all the marked stuff till Saturday cause Friday we went to our favourite local pub - Kildare's - to meet up with Dave and friends. We had a really great time. Maybe not so much when Dave got Phil a shooter lol. But it felt like a normal, happy celebration. I like those moments of normalcy. We were just a bunch of friends enjoying some pints to celebrate. It was really nice. After all Phil's done I was happy he had a night to just relax and have a good time. I had arranged the sitter (Dave's daughter) and made the plan weeks prior. Although I honoured his request to not invite the whole world lol...If it had been up to me it would have been an Event. And half of Kildare's woulda been reserved lol.
Anyways, aside from the marker issue, the weekend was a good one. We went to a neighbours bday party. Rilay turned 4 and Emily and Ethan adore him. So they were very excited to go and celebrate. And eat cake lol. That night Phil and I went for wine tasting next door at Joe and Trista's. They won the bid at my fundraiser and it was donated by my friend Keri. She did a great job! Lots of laughs and Phil actually found a red wine he liked! Great night.
We are lucky to have such awesome neighbours. We must be lucky - our neighbours from our last house are the ones who came to BVJ with us this summer and are good friends of ours. (ie you're stuck with us Joe and Trista ;)
Today was Phil's birthday. We didn't do too much. Supper at Jack Astor's with the whole family. Bit chaotic as usual with the kids lol. But nice. I know the blog is now outta whack cause I posted his tribute on his bday and this will be posted once I'm all caught up...but such is life ha.
Tomorrow is my radiation prep. I honestly haven't had much time to think (or over think) it. I'm happy my "don't fret about it till its happening" attitude I've developed on this road is holding true. My main 'concern' if you can even call it that is if the tattoos will hurt!! I should clarify by 'tatoos' that I mean 3 or 4 dot sized permanent tattoos that help them line up the radiation machines. They will be across my torso. I'll be like Phoebe from Friends when she gets the dot sized "Earth...it's just really really small earth". Ha
Kelly said it didn't hurt and the whole prep was quick. She's my 'go to girl' and hasn't been wrong yet, so maybe that's why I'm not too worried about it.
Tomorrow is also the radiation class at Tom Baker, which will explain what to expect etc. And then my Compassionate Beauty appointment. By the end of the day I'll have 3-4 new tattoos and fake boobs...and it's not even a mid life crisis! Should be an interesting day lol.
Oh and we bought a Vitamix with some of the money raised at my Fundraiser...it's AMAZING!!
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