Jan 20, 2015
8 rounds of chemo.
A bilateral mastectomy.
16 rounds of radiation.
And it was my last radiation treatment.
The last one!
I practically leaped out of bed that morning. We surprised the kids the night before with the news that they could come with us if they wanted to. Emily even got to miss school...we kinda thought this was more important...
The four of us walked in all excited. The kids were physically bouncy and full of energy but I think I had a grin that would give the Cheshire cat a run for his money.
Last change in the change room (accompanied by Emily lol). Last wait in the waiting room. Last time waiting under the big machine to get 'radiated'. Last set of nerves as the machine finished the treatment. I could feel my tears pooling as that last treatment came to an end - but this time they were not tears of fear.
They weren't just happy tears either.
They were also tears of immense relief that the traumatic canser treatments had now come to a close. And with it, permission to hang up the gloves, and loosen up the emotional armour that had protected me and allowed me to get through all of it - from the first chemo to the last radiation.
As I got off the bed and walked through the (thick!) door back to my family, I felt like I was literally closing the door on my "canser patient" title and opening an new one. To what title - I did not know.
We walked up to the infamous bell and tied a ribbon to my Thank You card which Emmy and I tied to the "thank you" bar. There were many, many Thank You ribbons there. I felt the lump in my throat as my note joined the rest.
Maureen, who had come to all but 2 of my chemos, once again came down to congratulate us on our last day. She is the one who took the happy video of us tying the ribbon.
And then ringing that bell.
The ringing of the bell - which we did as a family - symbolised so much more to me than just the end of radiation.
It was the end of "mommy being sick". The end of scheduling my life - and my family's life - around canser. The beginning of "life after canser". And yes, the end of frightening treatments. All of them.
Good riddance.
We left my morning appointment and headed to one of my favourite spots - Second Cup lol. I had a celebratory mocha because it was too early for a Guinness - even by my standards!
Like the rest of the events on this road, I still only focused on that day. I didn't dare look forward - the future was about to get scarier in the days to come but for the moment I was happy and chose to live in the moment. The moment my "active canser" chapter finished.
It was a joyful, happy day and a milestone I won't soon forget.
Looking back now, I realise I was on the edge of falling into the Survivorship Void - but hadn't yet fallen...
8 rounds of chemo.
A bilateral mastectomy.
16 rounds of radiation.
And it was my last radiation treatment.
The last one!
The four of us walked in all excited. The kids were physically bouncy and full of energy but I think I had a grin that would give the Cheshire cat a run for his money.
Last change in the change room (accompanied by Emily lol). Last wait in the waiting room. Last time waiting under the big machine to get 'radiated'. Last set of nerves as the machine finished the treatment. I could feel my tears pooling as that last treatment came to an end - but this time they were not tears of fear.
They weren't just happy tears either.
They were also tears of immense relief that the traumatic canser treatments had now come to a close. And with it, permission to hang up the gloves, and loosen up the emotional armour that had protected me and allowed me to get through all of it - from the first chemo to the last radiation.
I was done!
We walked up to the infamous bell and tied a ribbon to my Thank You card which Emmy and I tied to the "thank you" bar. There were many, many Thank You ribbons there. I felt the lump in my throat as my note joined the rest.
And then ringing that bell.
The ringing of the bell - which we did as a family - symbolised so much more to me than just the end of radiation.
It was the end of "mommy being sick". The end of scheduling my life - and my family's life - around canser. The beginning of "life after canser". And yes, the end of frightening treatments. All of them.
Good riddance.
Like the rest of the events on this road, I still only focused on that day. I didn't dare look forward - the future was about to get scarier in the days to come but for the moment I was happy and chose to live in the moment. The moment my "active canser" chapter finished.
It was a joyful, happy day and a milestone I won't soon forget.
Looking back now, I realise I was on the edge of falling into the Survivorship Void - but hadn't yet fallen...
Pitbull - Feel this Moment (Veevo official video on YouTube)
Oh Cindy! Reading this - well let's just say I have a tear stained face! You have been such an inspiration! I will never forget seeing your tears on August 9th when I met you at the start line of The Ride. It truly motivated me as I rode those two days! And I look forward to this year riding with you! See you on the training rides!
ReplyDeleteYou bet Jill - I CANNOT wait to ride with you guys!!!! My Mall Angels :) You guys are what will inspire me to keep pedaling!!
DeleteCute photos. thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete