Best - surprisingly not that Griswaldish - Family Vacation!

July 19, 2015

The time had finally come! Our 10 day family camping trip at Old Macdonald Resort!! The kids had been talking about going back since last year when we left. We were supposed to go 10 days last year but with me going through chemo we shortened it to 5 days just incase. This was our “last hurrah” before I went back to work. Our first vacation since I was “on the mend” and not in treatment.  I don’t know who was more excited – me or the kids!

And it was everything we hoped for and more! The weather was SO hot the first few days we spent a lot of time at the sandy beach on the lake…my in laws (parents and Andrea & family) joined us as well so there was always lots going on (including a huge water balloon fight that Andrea spearheaded lol)  The sites we had were HUGE and beautiful. I didn’t even mind being in a bathing suit, which I thought would be an issue given the whole missing a rack thing…but after the first half hour at the beach I was ok with it. I thought about it less and less every time we went, till it was like my bald head – accepted and forgotten (or maybe it was just too damn hot for me to care!)

When the in-laws and cousins left, our friends Liz, Aydan and Sid came up the next day and stayed a few nights. The night before we left we went for supper at the pub by our house and our server Erin heard we were going to Old Mac that weekend.

“Really? So am I!”

We joked that we’d look for her.

Well they came up and we met up with them too! And then we ran into Tara and  ( and their son) who we met at the Knight’s Cabin retreat in the spring. It was kinda like a revolving door of friends and kids all week which was awesome!

We tye-dyed pillow cases, went on a tractor ride, rented pedal cars, went on the “swings” (a ride that you pay $.25 to go on per ride! Kids LOVE it!) pet and fed the animals at the petting zoo and of course made a few stops at the candy store. We had fires and friends to celebrate with every night. It was one of, if not THE best family vacation I think we have ever had. The Thursday and Friday before we left poured rain but we even enjoyed that…we took the kids to a play place and for lunch in the nearby hamlet Alix. Ethan even geared up in his rain suit and biked around in the rain!

The last night as Phil and I were sitting by the fire I was sad it was our last night. We both talked about how even after almost 10 days were weren’t “done” with camping. It had just been so great. I could have spent the summer there.

Maybe for me it also had something to do with going back to work that Monday. I thought it might be good for me and the kids because it would be a routine and one more sign I was getting back to “normal”, (whatever the hell normal is). I was looking forward to being another “productive” person in the family, getting up and going to work with a purpose. Physically I was probably in the best shape of my life, so I wasn’t worried about physical pain, or even tiredness really. But at the same time I was nervous. My chemo brain was pretty bad. What if I didn’t remember anything? I looked totally different than when I was last working there. My hair was now short and SUPER curly. It used to be long and straight. I had boobs. Now I wasn’t even part of the itsy bitsy tiny weeny club…I was “other”. Or felt like it.

I didn’t want to be “other” when I got back to work. I just wanted to be Cindy. What if I wasn’t?

Aside from my physical appearance, I worried how I’d be perceived once I was back. Would I now be the “weak” link? The sickie of the group? The damaged one? Or worse, the pitied one?

What if I couldn’t cut it?

The thoughts kept tumbling around in my head. Not in an anxious loop kind of thinking, just constantly there. I wasn’t sure what to do with them. Because really, like everything else, the only way I’d answer any of these questions was to just go to work, and take it as it came.

I think we were all a little sad on the way back. None of us wanted the vacation to end. And although my going back to work was a sign “mommy was better” the kids were sad I wouldn’t be able to do hot chocolate dates in the morning or surprise lunch dates anymore. Their sadness didn’t really help my own. I’d miss those too. Although I was starting a graduated back to work, so we could still do them for a few weeks more on the days I wasn’t at work.

I went to bed wondering what this next chapter would bring.