Sept 19, 2014
Man, what a difference even 24hrs can make. Each chemo kinda feels like I hit rock bottom - except the bottom keeps getting lower with each round. But I usually bounce back just as quick as I sink. By Monday of this week after going to U of C Thrive Lab for my physical assessment for the BEAUTY program I felt like my mind frame had done a complete 180. I'm sure it was a combo of all the messages of support I got after my last post and the exercise and feeling like I was getting back in control of fighting.
The BEAUTY program is for women with breast canser or who have had breast canser. They do 2 assessments then give you a personalised fitness program that you can do at home or at their gym! In 12 weeks they do another assessment and give you a maintenance program for another 12 weeks! All at no cost! Amazing...Kelly and I both went and hope to carpool since we are way in the south of the city and it's in the north. I'm very excited. Although mine will get interrupted by surgery (boo!) but she said they will work around that. My yoga at Wellspring started this week too. I didn't realise how much I've missed yoga. Kelly and I are also taking that together. Wellspring is in the north so we'll carpool to yoga too. I'm doubly excited - for the programs but also for Kelly and I to see each other more. Win win!
My Quigong class was amazing!Between that and yoga my mental and emotional wellness will be in good hands. And I saw my counsellor again finally. The physical battle for chemo is tough and all my food habits helps (I think) as well as the exercise. Now for surgery, which will be the most emotional part of this journey for me, I am arming myself with as much emotional support as I can (while continuing with diet and exercise) With the end of chemo being rough and all the emotion surgery brings (now that it's in the near future) it's perfect that I've set up a good support for the rough days ahead. Getting out of the house 3-4 days a week consistently will help too.
So with all this set up, I met with my Kinda Handsome Surgeon this week as well. It's always great to see him. He's just got such a fabulous bedside manner so nothing he ever says seems scary. I have always felt safe and like I am in good hands (literally!!)
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I was grinning right when he walked in and asked "how are things?". He pulled out my chart and I asked him if he had my last ultrasound and could he see what it said about my lymph nodes (since I forgot to ask after being so happy about the 8mm lump info!) It was the best news I could get: lymph nodes look normal.
IE NO SIGNS OF CANSER IN LYMPH NODES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, it's just ultrasound, it's not pathology, so there could be microscopic cells - they will check during surgery. But it's awesome news!!!
It was followed by more good news. Because the ultrasound doesn't show any canser there, when I am in for surgery he will now be able to do a sentinel node biopsy. Those are the "outer" lymph nodes - ie not buried as deep as my auxiliary ones which were the 2 which showed canser in them originally. The Sentinal nodes are the drainage system - ie the nodes buried deep behind drain into them. He will remove and send some of those lymph nodes to the lab during surgery and if they come back with no canser detected (after biopsy) he won't have to take the 15-30 lymph nodes he was originally planning on taking out. That means a less invasive lymph node surgery (ie just the ones he sends to get biopsied which would be 3-5!) This will all happen during surgery, so I won't know which way it went till I wake up. But that was a pleasant surprise cause he has not mentioned that before now! I'm really good with less invasive! Phil asked if that would change my radiation (ie would I still need it in lymph node area). My surgeon said no, they do the radiation based on original findings of where the canser was, cause there is benefit to it.
My surgery will take place at the Rockyview Hospital and if all goes well I will stay 1 night in hospital. Then I can go home. He said I will feel less worse than I imagine when I wake up (physically). They will encourage me to walk right pretty much right away.
The day before surgery I will get a needle with radioactive liquid that will map out the Sentinal nodes for the biopsy. The day of surgery I will get admitted, talk to the surgeon and anaesthesiologist. I will get another needle with blue dye injected to be a "double check" for the sentinal nodes (surgeon will look for "hot & blue" nodes) The actual surgery will take about 2 hours but I'll be gone from my room for about 4 hours (1 hour for prep and going to sleep, 1 hour-ish in recovery). I will have 1 drainage tube sticking out of me on each side (where my breasts were) and possibly a 3rd if he ends up having to do the more invasive lymph node removal. They get removed in a week to ten days after surgery - I'll have to go back to the Breast Health Clinic to get them removed ( I didn't ask how they do this - not ready for that yet) I need to start doing arm exercises pretty much right away. There wasn't much dietary restrictions - only a few things the week leading up to it (advil, aspirin etc) Surgery will be at least 4 weeks after my last chemo (which is Sept 23) so the end of October sometime. I should hear from my surgeons assistant any day with a surgery date. She will also give me more details about any prep work & admittance info required prior to surgery.
I can start doing 'moderate' exercise as early as 2 weeks post op, depending on how I feel. I was asking about this so I would have an idea when it might be possible to continue on with yoga and Qigong. I can also go for walks when I come home for hospital-as long as I feel up to it. I can shower 24hrs after surgery. I'll need someone around the first 24 hrs for sure to help me. So overall, not horrible. I was mostly asking questions. Once he had answered them all, he said I should fill out some paperwork with my nurse Edith so they could get rolling on booking a surgery date.
Edith has been amazing. She was the one after my very first visit with the surgeon, a week after I was diagnosed who applauded my positive attitude and told me "I can tell you'll do well". She always has a hug for me and remembers things I've said or done. I really, really like her.
So I was comfortable sitting with her and my mom and Phil going over some surgery info. For the needle Dr Austen mentioned I need to get EMLA cream. That will numb the point of entry of the needle.. Which will be in my right breast, near the nipple. I was not thrilled with this news. Ug. I kinda thought the biopsy needle before diagnosis would be the last time I had to have needles in my breasts...at least while I was awake...
As she showed me where the cream should go and how to apply, she then moved on to the day of surgery and where to go to admitting and all that. I felt the reality of it all start to sink in. I was listening but it started to get hard to concentrate on what she was saying. She's telling me stuff, and I'm nodding, but I feel a lump in my throat. Then tears in my eyes. But I'm able to keep myself in check. Then she asks what bra size I am for the prosthesis they give so I have something for after surgery (once I'm healed.) She goes into this tall bank of drawers and pulls out 2 skin toned, boob sized pillows and puts them in my hands - one in each hand. I look at them, kinda in a detached way and am thinking "This is what my breasts will be reduced to. They don't look like breasts. I'll essentially be stuffing my bra". I put them in my bag, turned to look at her as she was about to go over a consent form, put my face in my hands, and cried.
I really wish these moments wouldn't catch me so off guard.
I got myself together, apologised and we continued on. That is how it works. Gotta keep moving forward. A bilateral mastectomy (double mastectomy) is the best decision for me. That is what will ultimately get me through this. But it doesn't mean its easy. And now it feels real. I'm nervous for the actual surgery (its surgery!!) And I have no idea how I'll feel when I wake up emotionally. I just hope I still feel whole.
But for right now, I'm celebrating my ultrasound lymph node victory and concentrating on my last chemo coming up on Tuesday. I'll let the surgery info sink in and think about it after I get by my chemo hurdle.
And get ready to celebrate with my family and friends (who have gotten me this far) on Saturday at the Fundraiser (tickets still available!) I need this party, and we have alot to celebrate! What a perfect way to spend the weekend before my last chemo.
It's gonna be a great night!
Man, what a difference even 24hrs can make. Each chemo kinda feels like I hit rock bottom - except the bottom keeps getting lower with each round. But I usually bounce back just as quick as I sink. By Monday of this week after going to U of C Thrive Lab for my physical assessment for the BEAUTY program I felt like my mind frame had done a complete 180. I'm sure it was a combo of all the messages of support I got after my last post and the exercise and feeling like I was getting back in control of fighting.
The BEAUTY program is for women with breast canser or who have had breast canser. They do 2 assessments then give you a personalised fitness program that you can do at home or at their gym! In 12 weeks they do another assessment and give you a maintenance program for another 12 weeks! All at no cost! Amazing...Kelly and I both went and hope to carpool since we are way in the south of the city and it's in the north. I'm very excited. Although mine will get interrupted by surgery (boo!) but she said they will work around that. My yoga at Wellspring started this week too. I didn't realise how much I've missed yoga. Kelly and I are also taking that together. Wellspring is in the north so we'll carpool to yoga too. I'm doubly excited - for the programs but also for Kelly and I to see each other more. Win win!
My Quigong class was amazing!Between that and yoga my mental and emotional wellness will be in good hands. And I saw my counsellor again finally. The physical battle for chemo is tough and all my food habits helps (I think) as well as the exercise. Now for surgery, which will be the most emotional part of this journey for me, I am arming myself with as much emotional support as I can (while continuing with diet and exercise) With the end of chemo being rough and all the emotion surgery brings (now that it's in the near future) it's perfect that I've set up a good support for the rough days ahead. Getting out of the house 3-4 days a week consistently will help too.
I was grinning right when he walked in and asked "how are things?". He pulled out my chart and I asked him if he had my last ultrasound and could he see what it said about my lymph nodes (since I forgot to ask after being so happy about the 8mm lump info!) It was the best news I could get: lymph nodes look normal.
IE NO SIGNS OF CANSER IN LYMPH NODES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, it's just ultrasound, it's not pathology, so there could be microscopic cells - they will check during surgery. But it's awesome news!!!
It was followed by more good news. Because the ultrasound doesn't show any canser there, when I am in for surgery he will now be able to do a sentinel node biopsy. Those are the "outer" lymph nodes - ie not buried as deep as my auxiliary ones which were the 2 which showed canser in them originally. The Sentinal nodes are the drainage system - ie the nodes buried deep behind drain into them. He will remove and send some of those lymph nodes to the lab during surgery and if they come back with no canser detected (after biopsy) he won't have to take the 15-30 lymph nodes he was originally planning on taking out. That means a less invasive lymph node surgery (ie just the ones he sends to get biopsied which would be 3-5!) This will all happen during surgery, so I won't know which way it went till I wake up. But that was a pleasant surprise cause he has not mentioned that before now! I'm really good with less invasive! Phil asked if that would change my radiation (ie would I still need it in lymph node area). My surgeon said no, they do the radiation based on original findings of where the canser was, cause there is benefit to it.
My surgery will take place at the Rockyview Hospital and if all goes well I will stay 1 night in hospital. Then I can go home. He said I will feel less worse than I imagine when I wake up (physically). They will encourage me to walk right pretty much right away.
The day before surgery I will get a needle with radioactive liquid that will map out the Sentinal nodes for the biopsy. The day of surgery I will get admitted, talk to the surgeon and anaesthesiologist. I will get another needle with blue dye injected to be a "double check" for the sentinal nodes (surgeon will look for "hot & blue" nodes) The actual surgery will take about 2 hours but I'll be gone from my room for about 4 hours (1 hour for prep and going to sleep, 1 hour-ish in recovery). I will have 1 drainage tube sticking out of me on each side (where my breasts were) and possibly a 3rd if he ends up having to do the more invasive lymph node removal. They get removed in a week to ten days after surgery - I'll have to go back to the Breast Health Clinic to get them removed ( I didn't ask how they do this - not ready for that yet) I need to start doing arm exercises pretty much right away. There wasn't much dietary restrictions - only a few things the week leading up to it (advil, aspirin etc) Surgery will be at least 4 weeks after my last chemo (which is Sept 23) so the end of October sometime. I should hear from my surgeons assistant any day with a surgery date. She will also give me more details about any prep work & admittance info required prior to surgery.
I can start doing 'moderate' exercise as early as 2 weeks post op, depending on how I feel. I was asking about this so I would have an idea when it might be possible to continue on with yoga and Qigong. I can also go for walks when I come home for hospital-as long as I feel up to it. I can shower 24hrs after surgery. I'll need someone around the first 24 hrs for sure to help me. So overall, not horrible. I was mostly asking questions. Once he had answered them all, he said I should fill out some paperwork with my nurse Edith so they could get rolling on booking a surgery date.
Edith has been amazing. She was the one after my very first visit with the surgeon, a week after I was diagnosed who applauded my positive attitude and told me "I can tell you'll do well". She always has a hug for me and remembers things I've said or done. I really, really like her.
So I was comfortable sitting with her and my mom and Phil going over some surgery info. For the needle Dr Austen mentioned I need to get EMLA cream. That will numb the point of entry of the needle.. Which will be in my right breast, near the nipple. I was not thrilled with this news. Ug. I kinda thought the biopsy needle before diagnosis would be the last time I had to have needles in my breasts...at least while I was awake...
As she showed me where the cream should go and how to apply, she then moved on to the day of surgery and where to go to admitting and all that. I felt the reality of it all start to sink in. I was listening but it started to get hard to concentrate on what she was saying. She's telling me stuff, and I'm nodding, but I feel a lump in my throat. Then tears in my eyes. But I'm able to keep myself in check. Then she asks what bra size I am for the prosthesis they give so I have something for after surgery (once I'm healed.) She goes into this tall bank of drawers and pulls out 2 skin toned, boob sized pillows and puts them in my hands - one in each hand. I look at them, kinda in a detached way and am thinking "This is what my breasts will be reduced to. They don't look like breasts. I'll essentially be stuffing my bra". I put them in my bag, turned to look at her as she was about to go over a consent form, put my face in my hands, and cried.
I really wish these moments wouldn't catch me so off guard.
I got myself together, apologised and we continued on. That is how it works. Gotta keep moving forward. A bilateral mastectomy (double mastectomy) is the best decision for me. That is what will ultimately get me through this. But it doesn't mean its easy. And now it feels real. I'm nervous for the actual surgery (its surgery!!) And I have no idea how I'll feel when I wake up emotionally. I just hope I still feel whole.
But for right now, I'm celebrating my ultrasound lymph node victory and concentrating on my last chemo coming up on Tuesday. I'll let the surgery info sink in and think about it after I get by my chemo hurdle.
And get ready to celebrate with my family and friends (who have gotten me this far) on Saturday at the Fundraiser (tickets still available!) I need this party, and we have alot to celebrate! What a perfect way to spend the weekend before my last chemo.
It's gonna be a great night!
I am so happy to hear that your chemotherapy has seemed to work so well! I'm sorry I was unable to come to your fundraiser, but I hope you had an amazing evening surrounded by lots of love:)
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