Chemo Day.
Yuck. Double yuck.
My life the past 3 months (and that of my family) has revolved around my 'chemo days'. Each one has been a little different but they all have a common thread.
They are not fun.
I mentally build myself up to each one, while simultaneously trying not to think about it too much.
So far I've managed to keep the fear/anxiety/anticipation of what is to come in check until we are walking into "The Chemo Room". (given how much of a spaz I am that is actually quite the feat...)
This chemo day I woke up, cringed for a moment, then smiled. Regardless of what today's drug had in store for me, I was doing things my way. I bounded out of bed and went outside to try my preventative medicine. It was nice to have a pleasant distraction on chemo day. Normally I can't focus on anything cause I'm already turning inwards, prepping for what's to come.
The song "breaking the law, breaking the law" was playing in my head...
When I took the preventative pills the doc prescribed a bit later I thought "here we go".
On the way up to treatment I started to fret that maybe I hadn't had enough of my own medicine. I wasn't laughing like a hyena. I wasn't even giddy....
Phil pointed out that that wasn't my aim. He also pointed out how incredibly calm I was (which I hadn't noticed lol)
That's when I noticed it. I was almost zen calm. On a scale of 0-10 my anxiety was at a 0 or 1! This for a drug I had been stressing over for weeks!
I couldn't believe it!
Of course I had hoped it would work to "take the edge off". But I didn't think so little - like really - a few puffs - would result in a 180 compared to all previous treatment days.
Seriously - it was like night and day.
I could have been going shopping I was so calm.
Then it was like some higher power wanted to test me cause we chatted to a woman on our way to the chemo waiting room who had a terrible - like off the charts - reaction to docetaxel. Who told us ALL about it - quite energetically.
I honestly didn't even flinch.
And that was right in the waiting room...I should have been in total freak out mode.
I still had my container with cut lemons for the smell...yes the chemo room smell still bothered me but no nausea! I think that was a first!
The nurses did all their pre-checks before hooking my IV up. I was just sitting there, rolling with it. Actually engaging in meaningful conversation - usually I'm all over the place cause all I can focus on is the drugs they are about to poison me with...This time - not a care in the world!
The chemo nurse from my very first chemo treatment was my "double checker" (she checks name, bday etc to make sure they have right drug to right person - kinda important). Her name is Stephanie and I took it as a good omen. Cause she was awesome then (she was the one who whispered to my fist Red Devil dose "go where you're supposed to go") and she was awesome now. Her presence just calmed me even more (any calmer and I would have been part of the furniture lol).
Then they turned on the machine that pumps the chemo into your veins and set it for 15 minutes so they could make sure I didnt' have any adverse reactions.
And so here we were, at the very moment I had been dreading for so long....and it passed without incident.
Like not even a twitch!
If only all chemo days could be so anticlimactic.
So we finished up rest of treatment but still hightailed it outta there at the end. Anticlimactic or no, its still chemo.
Since then, there has been no nausea. Like at all. That right there is a huge Silver Lining!
As the days have gone on I've been a bit tormented with fairly intense headaches. Kinda feels like your head is in a vice. With nails.
It's not pleasant. I was hoping by now that they would be gone but I wake up with one every day and it hangs around. Been taking Aleve (which helps with the achyness I've been feeling) but it doesn't do much for the drummer/jackhammer in my head. My medicine helps, but I layed off it for a few days to see what else works/doesn't work (first round is always "Guinea pig round" - you try different stuff to see whats best). So far nothing else helps.
My tummy is in bits too. Get these strange pains. Like sharp, burning pains. I'm pretty sure one of the3 pills is for ulcers (ya WTF??) or something so I'm going to try one today. Didn't get the best instructions with these new sets of meds (I know I'm not green anymore but this is the first round on these meds - haven't gotten my Medical degree yet lol)
And I'm pretty sure this dose (or this drug) knocked out my taste buds...I can still taste stuff, but its off and not as strong....so food is less enjoyable. (now that may be as annoying as nausea for a side effect - I can eat to my hearts content but can't taste....ug).
So on one hand this round of chemo has been much better. Nausea has plagued me previously so relief from that is very much welcome. But I hope some of the pains I'm feeling aren't causing too much collateral damage inside....that worries me a bit.
Time will tell.
Oh and by the way, I'm still working on a few posts ..there's been some really great stuff in the last few weeks so thought I'd leave it till chemo week so I could be reminded when I need reminding...stay tuned.
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