Best Worst Week

June 3, 2014

Wow. 

This last week has been a crazy mix of big highs and big lows. Dealing with the emotions of my shaved head and wig were a big part of it. But I'm 2 months in since my diagnosis. And its 5 weeks today since chemo started. Between the chemo side effects, the (hard) diet, the no drinking, I guess I had to have a breaking point at some point. 

By Saturday I was fed up. Done. 

Everything was just too damn hard. 

My whole life felt consumed by my breast canser diagnosis. 

7 girlfriends answered the very last minute S.O.S call. I was excited to go out on a girls night. It was LONG overdue, and urgently needed. 

I picked through all my clothes till I found something I felt good in. Getting ready when you have no hair is so much faster! Did my make up, threw on my hair (ha ha) and out we went...

We had a normal, brilliant night out. canser barely came up all night. I was out with 7 strong, funny, beautiful women.

We laughed, and talked and danced. 

No one noticed I was wearing a wig. I was just another girl in the crowd and it felt great! First of many for sure...

It was exactly what I needed. I woke up the next morning more determined. Me and Andrea went to Zumba the next morning and it was fantastic. As always. 

Although she was talking to the instructor after class and I think the instructor (Bev) almost had a fit when she found out I was coming to her class while going through chemo lol. I reassured her I only come when I feel up to it and never during chemo week. She was good after that ha ha....

Honestly, in all I do right now its calculated and careful. I listen to my body always. I read up on stuff, talk to my oncologist and talk to others who have walked this path before me to make sure I'm not doing any no no's. So even if something I mention sounds crazy, I promise it's OK.

I've written about my lows but I can't skip over the other highs. Firstly, my "Mall Angels" or the One Aim bike team have rallied behind me, sending me Facebook messages and leaving messages on my blog. An old friend of Phil's, Mike , sent us a great, encouraging email after learning of the connection between us and the "mall incident". Another woman from the team, Mandy, (I hope this is the right Mandy...) left a message of encouragement on my blog post about The Mall (I don't know her story...yet!).

Nigel, who founded the team, is like a modern day SuperHero. He is a 2x canser survivor (Ewings Sarcoma). He's a canser researcher. He does all these crazy runs, and The Ride which all raise money for canser research/support. I only know a little bit about his story, but I'm amazed by the little I do know.

Another One Aim member, Cam , (whom I've never met) signed up for my Cindo's Rack Attack team (for the Run for The Cure). He has never met me but he's going to run for me. Ya, let that sink in for a moment. Then there's Matt. He is also part of the One Aimers and is in Edmonton. He is a survivor after a long battle with Leukemia. He rode his bike in The Ride to Conquer canser 12 months after he was told he had 0% chance of survival. For those that are not familiar, that is a 223 km bike ride. From Calgary to the Rockies. So for all you "average Joe's" out there like me, it's basically a bike ride for crazy people. They train all year. And I'm pretty sure there's pain involved. Crazy, inspiring, courageous people who have incredible determination and One Aim - to conquer canser. Anyways, he told me I should come to the opening ceremonies cause it's inspiring to see all the yellow flags on the bikes. Anyone who is currently fighting or beat canser gets a yellow flag. Matt puts the names of those he's lost, or are still fighting, or have beat canser on his flag. This amazing individual, whom I have also never met, offered to put my name on his flag and "I'll ride for the both of us". I cried when I read that.

So after hearing from this unbelievable bunch of people and being incredibly inspired (& humbled - again!) I made 2 decisions:

1. I will support this team anyway I can. The next event some of them are participating in is called Joe's Team and is a combo - sprint Triathlon or Duathlon. (told you they were crazy). Me and my family are going to cheer them on. And finally meet them in person!! It's June 21'st if anyone else wants to join me....

2. I am going to run the 5k in Oct for The Run for The Cure. I may be the last one to cross the line, but if I can do my first 5k while going through chemo, what excuse will I have in future?

Did I mention I hate to run? 

So to get motivated I bought myself a treat. Beautes eh?? And part of the proceeds from these shoes goes to breast canser. 

As if all that wasn't a high to last me the rest of the year, my BFF Kimmy (my slave driver nutritionist...ha ha kidding!!) booked a flight. From Toronto to Calgary. To see me. She is going through her own life challenges right now, but she felt I needed her, so here she comes. I cried when I got that text too lol. She will actually be going with me to my Mall Angels event in June!! That makes me so very deliriously happy....

Doesn't end there...(good thing this week was jammed packed with Silver Linings  - it got me through each day when i cried non-happy tears!!) My friend Lisa dropped off everything I need to garden - pots, earth, gloves, watering can and tons of flowers - to surprise me...Which it sure did!! And filled my heart...My other friend Liz drove from Strathmore and dropped off a bunch of herbs (live potted ones) and a beautiful strawberry plant. (also a quick read book and some pics from last summer that - you guessed it - made me cry!) I am so incredibly lucky to have such incredible friends...

Since I was feeling so rough from my chemo the week before, Phil took it upon himself to plant the flowers for me. With some "help" from the kids (apparently patience is his virtue lol). Soon he ran out of plants but we still had a whackload of containers. So he went with Em after soccer and picked up a truckload more...Planted those too. Sunday morning he took both kids to Home Depot and got the last...And planted all those too!! 

Now every time I look out there, I see acts of love. So the flowers make me doubly happy. There are still just a few left for me to plant since I love gardening...

We've also been eating through the delicious meals that my friends Melissa, Lisa (different Lisa) and Erin dropped off...I've savoured every meal that was prepared for us. They have all been amazing...And so helpful esp. during chemo week when I don't feel like cooking. More acts of love. Silver Linings every day. 

So it kinda feels like the worse week and best week all rolled into one...very strange. When you open yourself up to the good things out there, they come back tenfold. I am amazed almost every day by something that someone has done or said. And it just adds fuel to my fire to fight harder and stay focused. So thank you all so very, very much...I am doing so well mostly on account of being surrounded by such love. 

And that's good cause if I am going to run 5k and actually make it across the finish line, I need to be as strong as I can...maybe I should ask if they have wheelchairs (or wheelbarrows!!)  just incase....