My Killer Ta Ta's

May 27, 2014

Well it's working....

The chemo I mean :)

No, I haven't gotten "official" word from the docs. But if they can put a measuring tape to my breast to get an idea of the size of the lump prior to chemo (granted it was huge) then I sure as hell can feel the lump myself and decide if its smaller or not.

And yup, Phil double checked and we both concur - the lump is significantly smaller...*Happy Dance*

When I met with my oncologist prior to my 1st chemo treatment, they told me "you should be able to feel it (the lump) shrinking as the chemo treatment progresses".

Gulp.

What if I didn't? How long till you should notice a change? I was too scared to ask so I never did.

Since my diagnosis I was (am) doing (dreaded) regular breast checks on both sides. If I missed the boat the first time around so much so that it progressed to 2 of my lymph nodes I was NOT going to miss any changes (good or bad) moving forward.

I don't know what is worse...doing the checks on my left, canser free breast with bated breath, afraid I'll find a lump, or doing the checks in my seemingly canser infused right breast , scared the lump would soon consume my whole breast.

About a week or maybe two after my 1st chemo treatment I thought I started to notice a change in the lump. I think I did 50 checks that day lol. Hope is a funny thing on this journey - it's always welcome, but I was worried it was false hope. However, I was 150% positive at least that the lump had not grown. Considering pre-chemo it grew from under 5cm to just over 5 cm in a week (and thus bumping my "stage" from a late stage 2 to a "clinical" stage 3), the idea that 2 weeks had passed and it hadn't grown was HUGE.

When I first discovered the lump back on St Patrick's weekend, it was the size of a small ping pong ball. Pre-chemo, it was almost like a small baseball. 

It terrified me.

Not all of that was "the lump". Some of my tissue around it had thickened so it was a bit deceiving. But still, the change (for the worse) was noticeable.

When I laid down on my back, you could see what looked like the side of a tangerine near the bottom of my breast. 

Not good!! And scary as hell.

But then within 2 weeks of chemo I noticed those changes. Less oblong, more round. More movement (as opposed to when it was huge and could move a little but was restricted due to its size)

The other day (after round 2 of chemo) I laid on my back - and NO VISUAL SIGN OF THE LUMP! I also have to search for it now to find it!! I think its nearing it's original size. In four weeks that's huge for me! I have no idea if that's normal.

Deep, deep down I had the tiniest of fears...what if it doesn't respond? The thought was always banished the moment it made it's appearance, but it was still there...

But the canser is responding to my chemo!!!!!

HUGE SILVER LINING!!

And hopefully they will use something more accurate (and scientific) than a tape measure at my next oncology appointment to confirm my findings...although it sure would be funny to see them try to measure it that way now lol.