I spent the weekend before my first chemo treatment among the mountains. I'm spending the weekend before my second chemo treatment among nature via Aspen Crossing campground in the middle of the Albertan prairies.
I kinda think it should be a trend...
Maybe I'll hang some clothes by the campfire so on chemo day I can have the comforting smell of camping right with me in the chair.
By now anyone who read my previous lament about my vanity is probably wondering how anyone so intimately familiar with canser can't even spell it right. When I first got diagnosed my first emails always capitalised "Breast Cancer".
When I realised it, I stopped. Why should it be capitalised? Screw that. It was like my version of He Who Must Not Be Named for anyone (ie everyone) who has read Harry Potter. Either you don't mention the 'C' word, or you capitalise it. Psychological warfare but it made me happy to write it with a little 'c'. Putting it in it's place. Then I read the following excerpt from my Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips book and took it one step further:
"However, when writing, don't capitalise cancer. My friend Beth pointed out that I'd do that when I wrote her emails, and I realised giving it so much importance is a no-no. So does saying "My cancer". Screw that. It's the cancer. In fact, spell it wrong: canser. It gives you power over that stupid little two-syllable word."
So yes, I don't spell canser right. But it's on purpose. It doesn't deserve that much attention.
I equate it to a little kid sticking his tongue out at you when you're not looking...or maybe more appropriately a little kid who's mama bear is about to throttle her and then she sticks out her tongue as mama is about to lose it. Defiant, and a little crazy.
Screw you canser.
So sorry if it's annoying but it makes me happy so it's not going away!
Anyways, I'm sitting here in the trailer, the kids are having some quiet time and I'm looking out the window listening to all the families enjoy the outdoors. Zac Brown is singing in the background:
"Just as free...Free as we'll ever be..."
(I can't wait to see them at Big Valley this year - what a good motivator to feel good by August long weekend!!)
It's clouding over and we're probably going to get rained on tonight but I don't mind. Could use a bit of a cleanse anyways. I had a Guinness last night. It was delicious. Like Super delicious. I might have 1 or 2 more (wild woman!) tonight. Then I'm back on the wagon. I tell ya, guilty pleasures are the best pleasures lol.
You do the math...Sigh...But now I have like five things to look forward to when chemo is done (and still time to add to the list!)
1 - My Birthday
2 - A big, fat, juicy steak
3 - The CIBC Run For the Cure with my Team (s)
4 - A pepperoni pizza (sorry Kimmy but I've been dreaming about this since Susan told me to go on Vegan diet!)
5 - A big, drunken party to celebrate first stage of fight done.
Ha, it's gonna be interesting to see what my list includes for after surgery. Then after radiation (if that happens). And then remission. But I have lots of time to dream about those lists. Maybe it'll be the same list every time lol. Pizza, steak, parties and beer - sounds like heaven to me!
My trade off is no getting drunk (and limiting booze), no red meat, and no processed meat while on chemo. Along with the (mostly) veggie diet, it's pure torture! But since I'm literally in the fight for my life, I guess it's doable - this canser thing is all about perspective ha.
Hooray for retail therapy!
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