Patience Is Not My Virtue

April 16, 2014

Still no CT results. 

But I did have a message on my home phone asking me to call back about my appointment on Monday (with Oncologist). When I called back they were closed and it was the Breast Clinic voicemail (which is where my surgeon is, and where the CT results will go, although it was not my nurse Edith who left the message) So not sure what that means.

Breathe, breathe, breathe...

My spazzy nature is clawing to get out. So I had a glass of wine. A big glass of wine. And speed texted Andrea and my Mama friend who's also going through this. Both talked me down. My Mama friend took an Adavan before her results so I guess it’s not “odd” to be scared outta my mind about the results...

I also left a half blubbering message on my poor surgeon’s nurse’s voicemail asking her to change my contact number from my home to my cell...so it's been a winner of a night all around!

I know this isn’t a side of me most reading my blog have seen. (well except my poor work peeps – they were subject to “Cindy on DEFCON 5” prior to my diagnosis – not pretty, trust me) But it’s part of the process. Finding the funny and humour in everything is so important but it doesn’t mean I am not scared.

And tonight I have plenty of fear. But like the first song I listen to every morning (at top volume in my van on way to work...aaaaand maybe I'm also usually at top volume...possibly singing like a crazy person...at 6am...)

“If you’re lost and alone

Or you’re sinking like a stone

Carry On.

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground

Carry On."

Carry On by Fun

So that's what I will continue to do. 

Carry on. 

Find my Silver Linings (like going to a great session at Tom Baker this afternoon about complimentary alternative therapies with cancer treatment and getting a text from my good friend Emac about her yoga instructor who works with cancer patients!)

And hope like hell I get results tomorrow!