No Man's Land

March 18, 2013

Andrea (sis in law) who works at MRI clinic gave me a heads up about Radiologists. At her work they call them mushrooms cause they "thrive in the dark" (ie they do not all have great bedside manner) Keeping that in mind I showed up with Phil and my Mom in tow (I think they worried they'd have to carry me in ha ha) They had to wait in the wait room.

Mammogram was fine. My poor girls were flattened but didn't fare too badly. The tech actually said "I'll bet you $10 its a cyst". I should have taken the bet....

Next Ultrasound. Nice Tech.. I nervously chatted a bit then left her to do her think. She told me she should be able to tell me something before I left. Ok....

In my head: Hmmmmm why is she taking pictures in my armpits? Maybe they take pics of all kinds of parts of me for comparison?

The other side went pretty quick. No pictures that i remember.Then she leaves. For a while A looooong while. I think i was getting close to needing a bag to breath in again....

Then the tech and Radiologist come in. Radiologist looks at me and says "So we still don't know what it is so we'd like to take samples of it and your lymph nodes. We can book biopsy for you here.I nod once then burst into tears! 

In my head: LYMPH NODES??? WTF??? 

I'm not only crying but shaking. Ultimate spazzy moment. What does the radiologist do? Bolts out the door the second i burst into tears!

In my head: I'm done for - he cant even stand to be in the same room as me!

This happened on Tuesday. They cant get me in for biopsy till the FOLLOWING Wednesday. Everyone in my life now has to endure me in pure terror mode for 8 DAYS! I barely slept. Barely ate. Could hardly hold it together for Emmy and Ethan. TOTAL WRECK! My mind went to EVERY scary, bad place. I filled in my co-workers so they didn't think I had completely lost it, or at least not due to work or something they said lol. They, like everyone else in my life, have been AMAZING.

Nothing had been told to me. The walk in Doctor called on Friday to see if i had questions about the biopsy and when she found out how distraught i was offered to prescribe me something to sleep! However she also offered to walk through my lab results.

In my head: Hmmmmmm has she not just heard how spazzed out I am?!? This just might put me over the edge (God help anyone in my life !!)....but she seems to think it will help.My Inner Ninja made a cameo here and nudged me to go over the results.

Doc: "Mammo says "not cystic" Does not present as Breast Cancer.

Ok...BIG sigh...They arent' trying to hide something from me...So far, not too scary...

Doc: "For ultrasound, solid abnormal  (cringe - isn't that synonymous with the "Big C"?!?) mass measuring 1x2 (don't know what mm, cm never asked!) No calcium deposits. No spinicles or spickules or something thats "telling". 

Me: Ok, what about the lymph nodes. That's whats really freaking me out.(looooong cameo for my Inner Ninja)

Doc: "Ok they were looking at 2 lymph nodes in your auxillary (?) (armpit - closest to breast) that may look abnormal but they don't know so want to check. So at this point could still be nothing."

This call allowed me to eat and sleep through the weekend at least. She was my BIG Silver Lining that day. I'm still thankful for the time she took to call. 

I don't know who needed Valium more by biopsy day....me or everyone else!!