What Doesn't Kill You

April 27, 2014

One of the tips in my book "Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips" is to find a place where you can collect your thoughts and be at peace. A place you can go when you need "me time". I don't necessarily have a specific place yet, but being out in the mountains definitely has been rejuvenating, peaceful and has made me feel more centered. 

Like rallying the troops before battle - it's brought focus to my single minded purpose - to fight.

Being in 'crunchie granola central' the weekend before chemo starts has been perfect. It was actually easier eating this weekend than anytime since I stated down my "path to veggie zen".

Yes, there are alot of steak and bison restaurants. Ok ALOT of mouth watering, tummy rumbling spots I could've sunk my teeth into.

But there are also alot of vegan or vegetarian and gluten free/friendly places! 





When we got here Friday night (and checked into The Rimrock - I'm getting more high maintenance as the days go by...) one of the gents checking us in recommended Nourish Bistro. 

It's a vegan restaurant who's menu is also like 90% gluten free! (on top of everything else yummy, I've had to eliminate gluten as well...sigh) I think it was a sign. The website talks about "A place to share, a place to relax, a place to laugh...a visit here nourishes the mind and soul as much as it feeds the body". After changing our clothes from the drive, we headed out to check it out.

Boy were we glad we did!! The food was AMAZING! Like not just "oh it was edible for veggie fare" or "it was good for a vegetarian place". No, this place makes everything from scratch and uses all organic ingredients! 

Kimmy - next time you are out here, we are going there!!

I even ordered a (non alcoholic) drink called Beet It. It's a veggie drink and it has beets in it...Until my diagnosis I don't think I had ever eaten a beet in my life. Now I'm drinking beet drinks...oh how times have changed.

I took some pics of the food cause we were so blown away (and as proof that I am following this crazy diet) Even Phil loved the food. I briefly wondered if the chef would consent to come be my personal chef for the next 6 months...But then I thought if I worked in the mountains leaving all that for a house in the city with two crazy kids, a huge dog and a diva cancer patient wouldn't be a big sell....

Anyways, we ate really well this weekend. Or tried to. We specifically went to a hip small pizza place called The Bear Street Tavern because it had gluten free crust. I even ordered a Margarita pizza and asked them to add spinach. And ordered a salad to start...except I was so excited about ordering (and a wee bit starving) that I forgot to say "gluten free crust"...Ooooops. Still new to this I guess.

We had Greek Saturday night (Balkan the Greek Restaurant) which was AMAZING! I even ordered a vegetarian stuffed pepper thingy which was also one of the most yummy veggie meals I've had. I did order pork souvlaki on the side cause I hadn't had much protein all day.

Aside from all our yummy food I also got to exercise...we walked lots taking in the stores, the people and the fresh mountain air. But I also did laps in the pool Friday night followed by a nice hot tub soak. Saturday I actually went to the gym for half hour. I went pretty hard on the stair climber/elliptical machine . Worked up a good sweat and was Ms Tomato face but felt great. Later that night had an awesome soak in the hot springs.

All this good eating, exercise and hot water soaks (esp the hot springs) has left me sleeping so incredible well. I actually slept 7 hours straight last night. This whole weekend has been a complete mind, body and soul retreat. It was exactly what (we both) needed. I think too that for me nature will be my refuge through all this. The clean air, the majestic scenery and yes, even the snow, were just so damn good. So I think camping this summer will be essential as part of my "healing" between treatments. Sinking into nature. Mind, Body and Soul.

And despite the "snowy" weather, every day - (Friday, Saturday and Today) there has been some part of the day where we had a patch of blue sky and/or sun coming through. It was like a reinforcement of my Silver Linings. Always look for the blue patch of sky in the storm.

Which brings me to my Dad. Well, my other Dad. No, not the one you all know as The Can Man - my biological Dad. My Dad died of pancreatic cancer when he was 35. 

Ya, I know, that info really played with my mental stability during my two weeks of "dark days".

But I feel like he's looking out for me. My own personal Guardian Angel. Almost like he's saying "your story is NOT gong to end like mine". I have felt this message since the night I was diagnosed...

He died when I was 2. So although I do have some very small flashes of memories of him, I don't have a lot, and I never knew him. However, having to walk down the cancer path, I will understand a side to him that even my mom couldn't. And that makes me happy in a way (yes, I would MUCH rather not know that side to him and never have cancer, but it's a Silver Lining in this situation)

And these patches of blue sky - both this weekend and in my life - I partially attribute to him doing what he can from where he is....So in the now and in the "beyond" I feel I have a cheering section in both realms. 

Since I have somewhat touched on spirituality, I thought I'd mention the wolf talisman necklace I found (ha in all places in a souvenir shop...) A few weeks ago when I saw the picture on Facebook of that fierce wolf and the words " Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack" it struck a cord deep down. It was so powerful and it has never left me.When I saw the howling wolf and a stone as smooth as a worry stone I had to get it. Out of curiosity I googled "wolf symbolism" and the write up gave me goose bumps:

"The Native American's and other spiritual communities believe that all humans have animal totems guiding them through life. Each animal has a special meaning, and a special purpose for their guidance. The wolf, is viewed as one of the most highly appreciated guide, as it comes to you when you need it the most....

If the wolf is a part of your life, it is trying to get you onto the right path, to point you in the direction that you need to go. Whether that may include bonding with family, or learning discipline in your life. The wolf is to be respected. They are amazing creatures, their symbolic meaning is the key to success and survival. If you often feel a restlessness inside yourself, you feel as though you are meant for something greater, it's because you are, but you are unsure of how to achieve it. The Wolf is the guide to help you achieve your potential"

So going into this fight, I'm armed with my Wolf, My Guardian Angel (Dad), my own Inner Ninja, a centered core, a calm but fierce being and all the love and support I could ever ask for. 

I'd say the odds are looking pretty bad for cancer...it picked the wrong chick to tangle with.

Let's do this.

Fellow Cancer Warrior's video - She's in Remission now